In the garden of desolation.

I have shed my skin. Mother has given me new skin. She has given me fangs and scales and a tail. She has given me a new life.

I like it in the Garden now. I spent so much time there, it feels like home. But I still have to leave. I'm going back through my mirror and back to my old life. I'm going to visit an old professor. I'm going to see an former friend's boyfriend. I'm even going to see my dad.

After all, a girl needs to eat. It doesn't taste so bad after all.

Not with my new fangs. Not with my new life.

I am a survivor.

 -- Euryale

Losing herself as the days go by

I slowly walked into the lake and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I can see you are enjoying that." I turned and saw her. The sun glinted off of her skin. Part of her was submerged in the water, but I could see the rest of her. And I could see the part that became the snake. She was the snake.

"The Mother of Snakes," I said.

"At least we meet," she said. "I think that's what I'm supposed to say. I'm glad you could make it. I was worried there for a moment. I was having my doubts you could kill him."

"What? You wanted me to kill Boyd?"

"That was the test," she said. "To see how far you will willing to go. To see what you would do, my child."

"I'm not your child," I spat.

"I beg to differ," she said. "I am the Mother of All Snakes."

The water evaporated in front of me, vanishing away completely. Even the water on my skin dried up and I was left gasping.

"Do you wish to survive?" she said. "Do you wish to truly live?"

I said yes.

 -- April Chase

She searches for her salvation

A lake. I found a lake. It's large and clear and blue. And it's a fucking lake. I can bathe and I can swim and I can drink.

There's just one problem: that giant fucking snake leads directly to it. It...it goes right into it. That must be where it gets its water, too.

If the head is right there, if I disturb it, it will kill me. I doesn't matter if I have a sharpened stick or rock, I will be fucking dead.

But it's a lake.

It's water.

I have to go.

 -- April Chase

Amidst the cracked earth and empty sky

What is happening? I read that last post. That...that happened to me. It happened just before I woke up here. Months ago. Last night.

Last night? How long have I been here? The dates all say February 8th, but that must have been a while ago. The date must be wrong. It can't be the same day.

The giant snake is moving. It's slithering. I can see the dunes, all the dunes that I walked past and over and around, they are slithering, they are moving. They are all part of the snake.

I'm going to follow it. I'm going to follow it back to the source.

Whoever this Mother of Snakes is, I'm going to find her.

And she's going to let me out of this place. Or else.

 -- April Chase

Interlude

April Chase was always a smart girl. A very smart girl.


One night, after work, she was assaulted. The muggers couldn't have been older than seventeen, but they had knives and she didn't. They took what they wanted from her and more. If she had been the April Chase that had killed her father, the April Chase that had killed her friend's boyfriend, the April Chase that had killed her lecherous professor, she would have fought back, she would have killed them all.


But she wasn't. She didn't kill her father or her friend's boyfriend or her professor. And she didn't kill those muggers. Instead, a part of her died.


And after she had told the police, after she had filled out a report, she went back home and looked at herself in front of the mirror.


And she gave herself over to me.


She swore to herself that something like that would never happen again. She didn't care about anyone else. She would only care for herself.


And I am putting that to the test.


Hello, April Chase.


I am your true mother.


I am the Mother of Snakes.

From the garden of desolation.

It doesn't taste that bad. Not that bad.

I mean, I threw up a little bit, but not as much as when I first tried snake. I have to eat.

I have to get out of here.

The bastards who put me and Boyd here, they are the ones that are getting some sick twisted pleasure out watching us. Probably have cameras in the sand dunes.

I bet if I dig through that dune right there, I'd find a camera. I bet I'd find a whole mess of cameras. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to find and break their shit.

oh

oh god

it wasn't a dune. it wasn't a dune at all.

it was a snake

a giant fucking snake

its moving

And takes what she needs to survive

He was thinking about it. I know he was. He was looking at me like one of those cartoons where the Coyote sees the Roadrunner as a cooked chicken. He was thinking about eating me.

So I stabbed him. I had to. He would have killed me in my sleep. I didn't give him the chance. Bastard.

I didn't kill him because I wanted to eat him. That would be gross and disgusting. That would be wrong. I killed him because he was going to kill me.

But it would be wrong to just leave his body here, when I can use it to survive.

When I can solve my food problem.

I'm not...I'm not going to take much. Just what I need. Just what I need.

 -- April Chase

Until she gives in to temptation

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

We're all out of dead giant lizard meat. Boyd ate the last of it, bastard.

And he keeps on trying to tell me something, but he can't. It's annoying. 'Mother of' something. Mother of God? Mother of Pearl?

Snakes. He just wrote the word 'snakes' in the sand. Mother of snakes? What does that even mean?

It doesn't matter. We're all out of food, there isn't any snakes nearby, and we're low on cactus water.

But fuck it if I'm going to give up. I'm not.

There has to be food around here somewhere. An animal. Something to eat. Something we can survive on. Something I can survive on.

There has to be something.

 -- April Chase

Still she goes forward with drive

I'm not even going to dignify that last post with an answer. Wait, I will: of course, I didn't fucking kill my professor. Okay, he was a giant sleazeball, but I was failing anyway. I just dropped out. Made my father angry, but he could go fuck himself. I just got a crappy job and started saving money.

We haven't been seeing anymore snakes lately, so all we have is the dead giant lizard-thing meat and there isn't much of that left. If we don't find some more snakes or other giant lizard-things, we might have to start eating rocks. Or each other.

Oh, there's an option. The long pig. Fuck, that's never happening.

Even though Boyd can't talk, he's been trying to tell me something. Something about how he got here. He's been writing in the sand, but the wind always blows it away as soon as he starts writing. All I've been able to read so far is 'mother.' His mother left him here? Weird.

Well, whatever. We'll find a way out. No matter what.

 -- April Chase

Interlude

April Chase was always a smart girl. A very smart girl.


She had gone to a state college on a scholarship. She was going to get her degree in business and management. She wanted a well paying job when she got out of school. She wanted to be well off.


But things don't always go as we plan them. What is the saying? "Man plans, God laughs." And the gods did laugh at April. She was a smart girl, but not in the way needed for her classes. Quickly, she was failing. And she didn't know how to succeed.


One professor, however, did and told her how. All that was required of her would be certain sexual favors.


April was many things, but she was not someone who traded sex for grades. She told the professor this and he quickly pointed out that he wouldn't just fail her, he'd get her kicked out of the college if she didn't do what he wanted.


Well, that irked her. And you don't want to irk April Chase. So she did what any sensible person would have done: she broke into her professor's home one night and chloroformed him while he slept. Then she put him into his car, stuck a hose from the exhaust into the window, and turned the car on. Then she left and let him dream.


It's what any sensible person would have done, right?

Amid the garden of desolation.

I didn't realize that finding a friend would mean sharing my meals. Sharing my water. I mean, we have enough dead lizard-thing meat to go around right now, but who knows how long that will last. The last one I killed, the meat lasted...how long? I don't know. I don't even know how long I've been here.

But I have to share it with Boyd. And my cactus water, too, even though the cacti are few and far between right now.

It seems we are entering a more deserted area of the desert. Wow, that was kind of redundant. Whatever.

We need to find something more to eat. I haven't been seeing that make snakes lately.

Oh well. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

 -- April Chase

When she finds someone at last

I fucking killed that thing dead. I am fucking Conan the Barbarian. Well, okay, maybe Red Sonja. She-Ra? I'm one those.

And now I have a new friend to help me through the desert. He can't talk, however. Something ripped out his tongue. He wrote his name out in the sand, though. It's Boyd.

Well, me and my new buddy Boyd are going to feast on some dead giant lizard-thing now. And then toast with some cactus water.

And then we're going to find a way to get the fuck out of here.

 -- April Chase

As she seeks her journey's cessation

It found someone else. Someone else here.

I FOUND SOMEONE ELSE.

Well, okay, that giant lizard-thing found them. Now all I have to do is kill it before it kills them. Him. It's a guy.

I can do this. I can kill it. I killed one before and now I have the element of surprise. All I have to do is stab it in the eye. Just do it, April.

Or I could leave. I can leave it to its meal and I can run away and live to fight another day. Shit, I'm quoting my fucking mother. No, this other person can help me. He looks like he hasn't been here a while.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to kill it.

And then I'm going to make a new friend.

 -- April Chase

How quickly time goes past

Why are they lying about me? Yes, okay, I was a cheerleader. And yes, one of my friends was dating the quarterback and he threatened to spread rumors about her if they broke up. That...that was the truth, though I don't know how they knew that. And I did imagine killing him, but I didn't.

I mean, he was a bastard, but he didn't deserve to die.

I've seen a few more of those big lizard-things out here. I'm trying to avoid them. The last one nearly killed me, though I got a lot of meat off of it.

The one I just saw has turned in a different direction. Good.

Wait.

Why? I can smell me, I'm sure of it. I haven't taken a shower in weeks, probably.

So why is it going over there?

I'm going to follow it.

 -- April Chase

Interlude

April Chase was always a smart girl. A very smart girl.


She was a cheerleader in high school, did you know that? They were the Wildcats and she helped cheer them on. And the rest of the cheerleaders were her friends. They weren't stuck up. They were nice.


One of them was dating the quarterback, of course. They had been dating for a while, though everyone knew the QB slept around. That was the way of things. Until, of course, she tried to break it off and he refused. April heard the whole thing, smart girl that she was, hiding near the lockers: "I tell everyone you're a slut. Your life will be over. Don't even think about it."


April, smart girl that she was, did what anyone else would do: she told the principal. He laughed at her. Told her there was nothing to do - not to a quarterback during a winning season.


So April, being as smart as she was, did the next best thing: she put sleeping pills in the quarterback's drink one day and watched as he fell asleep, then she dragged him behind the mechanical bleachers. One click of a button and the bleachers began to contract, leaving a very mangled, very dead quarterback.


I did say she was a very smart girl, didn't I?

Through the garden of desolation.

It keeps going on. I wonder where I am. Sahara? Gobi? Rub'al Khali?

I've filled the water bottle three times now with cactus water. Still have some meat from that creature. I wonder if I can still eat it if it's not fresh?

Weird. Some of my posts are going through, some aren't. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. It's like I'm shouting and people are only hearing a few sentences.

How long have I been wandering here? Feels like years.

Can't stop. There could be roads just over the next dune.

I could be free.

Please.

 -- April Chase

Over the desert she crossed

God that was horrible. I remember writing that there should have been other things than snakes here, but I didn't mean things like that. It was...grotesque. It was as big as a dog. I don't know what it was. It had legs, I think, and jaws and so many goddamn teeth.

I'm bleeding. That thing bit me. But I killed it. I stuck the sharpened stick up and through its goddamn mouth. The stick came out of its eye. It was gross. But I killed it.

I wonder if it's as crunchy as snakes.

Oh well, better not let any food go to waste.

 -- April Chase

And rejecting thought of damnation

Third snake I've killed and eaten. I'm managing to keep them down now. Funny, snakes are the only thing I've seen living here, but I've always read that deserts have a whole ecosystem. Shouldn't I be seeing other animals, too? Lizards and stuff?

Oh well. Snakes are crunchy.

Shit, sun's going down again. It seems like it just came up and hour ago. Time feels...weird. Like its going faster than it should. Which is stupid. I'm just hallucinating.

Going on my last drop of water. I'll last maybe three more days if I don't find anymore.

If I don't start drinking my own urine, that is.

Ha, found a cactus! Fuck drinking urine, I'm drinking some cactus water. I cut it open with my sharp rock. It tastes...weird. But it doesn't seem to be causing any hallucinations, so I'll take it.

And now I've found a stick. I'm sharpening it with my rock now. Making it into a pointy stick. Better for killing snakes.

See, you bastards? I'm surviving.

 -- April Chase

Waking, she found she was lost

What the hell was that last post? That never happened. I know that never happened. I mean, that stuff with my dad and mom was true, but I never poisoned him with rat poison. Thought about it, but never did. He's still alive.

Whoever's doing this is fucking me with. They left me here and now are telling lies about me. I'm going to find them and fuck them up.

Once I get out of here.

Once I find a way to get out of here.

oh god.

i'm lost.

it's just sand and dunes and desert and rocks everywhere i can't see anything else i can't find anywhere else just things godawful place

NO

No. I will not give in. I will not start typing lower-case like some sort of whiny loser. I will make it out of here.

I'm leaving this post here to remind me not to be like that anymore. Not to be whiny and stupid and give up.

Because I will never fucking give up. Ever. You hear me, bastards? Never.

 -- April Chase

Interlude

April Chase was always a smart girl. A very smart girl.


She saw the bruises on her mother, bruises the color of an angry sky. She heard the excuses over and over again. "He's just in a bad mood," her mother used to say. "We'll catch him when he's in a better one. We'll talk to him then." But he was never in a better mood.


"I'm just so clumsy," she would tell the neighbors. Yes, April Chase would think. You tripped and hit your face on his fist.


And then one evening he hit her so bad that she broke a rib. She whimpered in her bed, refusing to go to the hospital, knowing that they would ask all those uncomfortable questions. And her father sat on his chair watching the television and finishing his beer.


"I'll get you another beer, Daddy," she said. She was cute and precocious and eight years old.


She went to the fridge and took out a beer and opened it. Then she opened the bottom cabinet, where her mother kept the cleaning supplies, and reached back. She reached and pulled out a box she had seen before when helping her mother. "What's it for?" she asked.


"Rats," her mother told her. "We just have a rat problem, that's all."


And so April Chase, at eight years old, got rid of their rat problem. She handed her father a beer poured into a glass with rat poison mixed in.


She always was a smart girl.

Into the garden of desolation.

I heard a sound.

There was something ahead of me. In front of the next dune. I could hear it. A rattle. Rattle rattle rattle. I rushed forward and there it was. A rattlesnake. Fuck. I backed away.

I can still hear it now. Rattling away. Can I kill it? Can I eat it? I don't have any weapons. But I'm so hungry. God, I've been here for days and I'm so hungry.

I found a rock with a sharp edge. I'm going for it.

I killed it. I killed that motherfucking snake. But I don't have anything to cook it with. No wood, no fire.

I can eat it raw. I can. I just have to avoid the venom and I can eat it.

God I threw up a little. But I got most of it down. I even washed some of it down with a little water.

But now I know I can. And I have a sharp rock. I can survive here, you bastards. I'm going to survive and kill you all.

 -- April Chase

But during her sleep she was swept

Running low on water. How did I drink so much? I should have conserved what I have.

Can I drink my own urine? Sounds disgusting, but I should be able to. I mean, if I run out of water, of course. Not before. And perhaps I can find some cacti around here or something. All I've seen so far are rocks and sand. I thought deserts had plants in them, too?

I'm thirsty, but I'm not going to drink. Drinking would be bad.

Don't stop, April. Keep walking. Just keep walking. You'll a drink after that dune right there. You'll stop and write an entry and then take a sweet sip of water.

God that sip was good. I won't take water for granted again. When I make it back, I'll drink a whole gallon. After I kill whoever did this to me.

 -- April Chase

With nary a care for her sedation

I'm sweating like a hog. I already took off my jacket and wrapped it around my head to stop the sun from beating down into my eyes.

I figure I will use this blog to chronicle my survival and my eventual revenge. I'm not even going to the police. I'm just going to kill whoever did this to me. Maybe torture them first.

Except I don't see any roads. No freeways, no cars, no signs of life at all. How could they have brought me all the way out here? Did they fly me out here and then fly away?

Where the fuck am I?

 -- April Chase

Under the sycamore she sat and slept

Where am I? What...what the hell happened? My head is pounding and I just woke up to find myself...here.

I'm in a desert. A great sandy wasteland. And yet, right next to me, I found a laptop and a bottle of water.

This...this can't be real. This is some sort of dream. No. No, I'm really here.

Someone must have drugged me and dragged me out here. Left me to die from dehydration. Why? There are quicker ways to kill me. And why the laptop and water? It's enough to survive a few days out here. Can I find a freeway in that time? Is this some sort of sick game to see if I'll survive?

All the post titles seem to be preprogrammed into this blog. I didn't even know you could do that. Fucking strange. I guess they want me to chronicle my attempt to survive.

Well, fuck them. Fuck them, whoever they are. I am nobody's fucking puppet.

I'm going to survive and find them. And then I'm going to shove this laptop down their fucking throat.

-- April Chase